


Days Like These

by Curupia



Series: Broken Arrow - Alec Lightwood: A Study in Agony [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Good Boyfriend Magnus Bane, Loneliness, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sad Fluff, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Worth Issues, some much needed cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 00:28:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11909424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curupia/pseuds/Curupia
Summary: He should have known Magnus wouldn't buy it. He's too smart, too observant. He can always tell what Alec is thinking, even when - especially when - Alec doesn't want it."What's wrong?" It takes less that ten minutes for Magnus to suss him out. Less than ten minutes for him to ruin Magnus's evening with his weirdness, his defectiveness.And he can't even give him an answer. What is wrong? Everything. Nothing. He's being stupid, it will pass, it doesn't matter.He shrugs, shakes his head, doesn't trust his words.But Magnus doesn't need them, never seems to need them.





	Days Like These

**Author's Note:**

> I thought I was done with this series, but apparently I'm not. Sorry Alec, at least you get some cuddles in this one.
> 
> Let me know what you think! I'm so amazed at the response to this series of fics, I truly appreciate all of the love. If you like this one, check out the others (if you haven't already). They don't need to be read in any sort of order (I'm not posting them in order...) but if you want to feel the full impact, the order helps.

He's never had somewhere,  _someone_ , to go to before. Not when he's felt like this. When the hours feel too long and too short at the same time, when he knows he should be doing something, anything, being productive, but he just, can't. Doesn't feel like facing the world. There are so many things he needs to be doing, so many things that require his attention. He doesn't have time for  _this_. But days like these don't care, don't wait for him to have the time, don't come when it's convenient for him. He can't afford to sit around, hollow and stagnant, frozen in a torturous, numbing limbo. 

But he can't  _not._

He used to sneak into Izzy's room when he was younger. She would snuggle close - all elbows and knees, wrapping around him, grounding him, making him feel,  _better._ She never made him talk about it, just petted his head, scratched her nails lightly over his scalp and talked to him about nothing, everything, anything, until the hollowness filled up with the sound of her voice and her arms held the broken pieces of himself together. 

He hasn't gone to Izzy in a long time. He's her big brother, he's supposed to comfort her, not the other way around. She doesn't need to take care of him anymore. It's not her responsibility;  _he's_ not her responsibility. He's supposed to be stronger than this, he's a leader, the Head of the Institute, he's not supposed to have days like these, not supposed to need his baby sister to hold him. 

But he has another option now. 

Magnus had told Alec to come to him if he ever needed to talk, had told Alec not to push him away. But he doesn't need to  _talk,_ doesn't know what to say, how to explain. It isn't words he wants, just... Company? Companionship? He just wants to be held  by somebody who cares about him. 

It's stupid. 

Magnus is the High Warlock of Brooklyn, he has better things to do with his time than coddle a broken shadowhunter. He's probably busy anyway. Alec shouldn't ruin his night. 

But maybe...

If he could hide it, put on a mask and pretend to be fine, maybe he could just be  _around_ Magnus, maybe that would help, maybe that would be enough. That sometimes worked - sometimes he could trick himself out of days like these by pretending for long enough, being around enough people, acting like everything was normal. 

He should have known Magnus wouldn't buy it. He's too smart, too observant. He can always tell what Alec is thinking, even when -  _especially when_  - Alec doesn't want it. 

"What's wrong?" It takes less that ten minutes for Magnus to suss him out. Less than ten minutes for him to ruin Magnus's evening with his weirdness, his  _defectiveness_. 

And he can't even give him an answer. What  _is_ wrong? Everything. Nothing. He's being stupid, it will pass, it doesn't matter. 

He shrugs, shakes his head, doesn't trust his words. 

But Magnus doesn't need them, never seems to need them.

Before he knows what's happening, Alec is sitting on the edge of Magnus's bed, his boots and jacket, bulky accessories and heavy jeans being removed. He lets Magnus pull him under the covers, the heavy feather-down blanket a comforting pressure surrounding him, engulfing him in warmth. The sheets feel silky and smooth against his bare legs and the pillow soft under his head. 

"Come here." Magnus pulls him close, not waiting for Alec to respond, arranging them so that Alec's back is pressed to his chest, Magnus's arms wrapped tightly him, their hands intertwined. 

It feels perfect, like everything he wanted, everything he  _needed_ , and he feels awful about it.  _Guilty_ _._

"I'm sorry -" he starts, unsure of what else to say, how to apologize when Magnus is always so  _understanding._

"Shhh, you don't have to apologize."

But he does. He doesn't deserve this, shouldn't be asking Magnus for it. 

"I'm sure there are more important things you could be doing right now."

Hundreds. Probably  _thousands._

"I can't think of a single one. Now stop resisting and let me cuddle you properly." 

Alec hadn't realized how tense he'd been holding himself, how rigid, waiting for Magnus to change his mind or leave him there alone. 

The order, the permission, unwinds something inside of him. 

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, breathing in the scent of Magnuscleansheetsmagic all around him, letting it surround him, consume him, comfort him. 

"What do you need?" Magnus asks, hot breath against the back of his neck, brushing a strand of hair back from his forehead. He leans into the gesture, chasing it, and Magnus takes the hint, keeps one hand in his hair, lightly massaging. 

"You." 

The word escapes without his permission and he flinches at the neediness of it, the entitlement. Magnus has better thi-

"You have me,  _always_."

The words are sealed with a kiss placed softly on his temple, soothing his worried thoughts. Maybe Magnus  _d_ _oesn't_ mind taking care of him. Of course it's inconvenient, of course he's a burden, but maybe... maybe Magnus has enough time to spare for him.

At least for tonight.

At least for the days like these. 


End file.
